The elephant in the room

A very clever poem from a very clever writer!


Elephant in the room

I hear that in a land of old

Disaster’s struck the green and gold

A two-Test flogging, so I’m told

Don’t look at me to facts unfold

I will not mention the cricket.

You cannot make me, I’ll resist

No matter how much you persist

This issue, it does not exist

So, even if I’m fall-down p*ssed,

I will not mention the cricket.

There’s other things to dwell upon –

Kurt Fearnley’s New York marathon

Our Dan’s first year in Formula One

Nick Kyrgios, our rising son —

So why would I mention the cricket?

The Wanderers’s epic Asia win

The Kangaroos by hair of chin

Our Wallabies can even grin

About those things I’ll make a din

But I will not mention the cricket.

It’s our first loss to Pakistan

In twenty years, since time began

Since Keating Paul the country ran

Things really haven’t gone to plan


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A tale of two minnows


These are two stories with very different endings. Of two Davids taking on their Goliaths. One was a lamb to the slaughter. But one prevailed.

Let’s start with the lamb.

During the 2003 Rugby World Cup, I had the pleasure of watching the All Blacks get beaten twice in one afternoon. First I took in a comedy, Alone It Stands, about the day in 1978 when Irish side Munster beat the All Blacks 12-0. Kiwi winger Stu Wilson said later: “We were lucky to get nil.”

Then I sat on the steps of the Opera House to watch the World Cup semi-final between Australia and New Zealand on the big screen. The Wallabies served up a 22-10 hiding to their Trans-Tasman arch-rivals. That was back in the day when the Wallabies could do that sort of thing. It was a glorious day.

When the USA Eagles took on the All…

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Here we go again. Melbourne Cup time. Another excuse for me to have a little tickle, drink champagne and possibly wear a matching kerchief. Sounds like a normal Friday night, except this time, the rest of Australia will be joining me in the race where no one can pick a winner. It does stop the nation as well, but if you jump into water where Sharks are eating a whale, that will also stop a nation. If you’re a Sharks player, there’ll be a picture or a tweet or a picture on a tweet, which can stop a nation.

I’m bringing some very solid form into this year’s Melbourne Cup. In the recent NRL finals series, I tipped just one game correctly for the entire series.

I don’t want to sound racist, but this is my favourite race of the year and it will be a cracker. I honestly think there are a number of roughies who can win and there doesn’t appear to be a real standout for me. You might not admire me but you have to Admire Rakti. In saying that, I just don’t think he can win. Most people think he can, so there’s my first kiss of death. Get on this pony. Call the Cavalry Man, because I’m about to make some outlandish claims. This horse is a huge chance. It’s won twice already over this distance, so keep this in mind. Fawkner. FawkNO. Even if you don’t trust me, you just have to take Red Cadeaux, on trust. He just seems to run well over the 3200m. A little bit like Daniel Kowalski. Doesn’t mind being on the podium. German vehicles seem to run smoothly and this German powerhouse, Protectionist, will protect your investment. A huge chance.

Sea Moon is the one pick I know I can’t get wrong. Like the poms last Sunday in the League, this Pom is done.

The luck of the Irish won’t come in the form of Seismos. Junoob is like a bag of mixed lollies. You just aren’t sure if you will pull out a jelly baby or a milkbottle or chocolate covered liquorice which no-one really likes. It’s not the first rodeo for Royal Diamond and I believe this could hold this old dog in good stead. It’s dropping more weight than a Biggest Loser contestant and don’t rule this one out!

First there was Watergate and then Nipplegate. Now there’s just wood at the end of this gate. Gatewood is running well and my only concern is going the distance.

I have Mutual Regard for Mutual Regard. I think this is the winner. Damien Oliver is on board. In 17 starts it’s only not won or finished out of the places three times. Over this distance there are two wins and two seconds. This is the one to beat. In case you missed it. My pick.

When your horse loses the most common expression will be “get me a drink”. When you can’t find the barman, you’ll be saying Who Shot Thebarman? Dont’ shoot this horse, because it might be raising the bar with a great run. Willing Foe. Willing faux pas. If you’re ambivalent about picking a winner, tip My Ambivalent. It will definitely place. Everytime it’s been first up it has won or placed. It’s dropping a bunch of kg’s as well.

I feel like a lawyer talking about Precedence. It has set precedence. It doesn’t win much. 62 starts. 10 wins. Not ideal. Brambles will bumble along and Mr O’Ceirin is 200-1. This means for every $10 you put on this one, you lose $10. Au Revoir. Enough said. I once knew a pretty decent runner called Ben Liddy. I think he could run faster than Lidari. In my Opinion this horse will guts it out. Don’t be surprised to see it having its own Opinion on who wins. Araldo has no bravado. The only thing it has going for it is a gold lightening bolt, like my beloved Chargers. So it’s really got nothing going for it. Not even a nice name.

Lucia Valentina only started racing a year ago. A long future lies here. Won’t be too far from the winner’s circle. Unchain My Heart will definitely run out the distance. Slowly. Finally we can Signoff this preview. This horse only got into the Cup on Saturday but has the magic man Joao on board. Joao could ride a pool pony to victory at the moment and this horse is set to the minute. I think he will Signoff the Emirates Melbourne Cup with a second place.

In summary, my numbers are 11, 24 and 14.

If you think this owning a horse thing could be fun, speak to Brenton Le Grand from You’ll actually be pleasantly surprised how affordable owning a share in a horse can be.

Melbourne Cup day is the day everyone gets to be like Ricky Ponting.